Loving yourself ... the Valentines you have been maybe missing ...

Self Confidence- Self Love ...

It’s not there. For me that is. I lack self esteem in many aspects. From how I look to how I parent to how I even drive a tractor at times. It’s something I have struggled with since being in elementary school. Anxiety was a battle that I remember facing even then as well. I was that kid who was trying to figure out what Paragraph i would have to read outloud in class ... and was practicing it leading all the way up to my turn - then looking like I wasn’t paying attention because I was allowing my stress to show ...

It’s a daily struggle. I’ve fallen into this “loop” of ... well the cows don’t care if I haven’t washed my hair for a week now .. or Jason sees me every day. Why look pretty? He’s already seen me at my worse anyway .. so what’s the point?!!

But really ... I shouldn’t be looking pretty to see cows. I should be feeling pretty while taking care of cows ... I should feel better about myself .. if I told you that I walked on 6 inch heels in a sparkly bikini after having Jaelyn .. would you even believe me?!? ... you can scroll to the bottom and believe it ...

(Unless you actually knew that... you probably wouldn’t think so huh?! Yea well I did ... I threw myself into the Gym. I worked my ass off. Literally - I prepped. I competed. I felt good for the first time in my adult life ... actually in my whole life. I had confidence. In what I wore. In what I didn’t. But ... here’s the thing. No one else saw me the same way. I heard “eat more of my mommas rolls and desserts ... you’re too thin... can’t you just give up the gym?!” ... and yea. Guess what. I did. When I started hearing all the negative backlash I lost once again the confidence inside myself ... I let what others say. Dictate to how I felt.

I haven’t been in the gym since I left Jones. Jason keeps me busy enough around the farm. I buck bales. I can lift heavy tractor hubs (200#) - I help him change back tractor tires - I unload feed & haul 5 gallon buckets around ... but I don’t feel any better about how I look standing in the mirror than I did 5 years ago ... there’s absolutely no confidence.

Today as I have “new hair”.. it some how kept its curl durin evening chores & sleeping on it .. I decided that since it was a New Day. The sun was out. I’d sit down and make my face a little prettier too... somewhere from editing yesterday’s videos to realizing. The only way to gain that self esteem- self confidence- was to do something about it.

Not by someone telling me I look pretty. But TELLING MYSELF I look pretty darn good just to be a farmher! I don’t want our daughter thinking she isn’t pretty when she’s older - I don’t want her to watch me cringe on a scale. I want to empower her. I want her to have confidence that every woman should have and own.

February is the “love” month and while Jason and I might do a whole lot for the Valentine Holiday ... I’m going to instead start working on loving myself a little more each day. ...

...





i follow this amazing lady on Instagram... and she had posted the above sweatshirt .. and I knew .. I KNEW I needed it more than anything. I needed a reminder that I’m a FarmHER .. and it’s okay to have a “farm body” ... you can follow her at The Chicken Head / and on her Etsy shop to het your own “farm body” mercy!

Her Direct link is TheChickenHead







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