Unhappy? Miserable? Yea well.. me too some days - It's a new decade - a fresh start even if January is half over. Yesterday I took a few moments and went Heart to Heart from the HayGirl ( you can watch the video here -- https://youtu.be/jXe8QtGE67s - it was defiantly something I'd been wanting to say but not exactly in THAT sort of way ... it prompted today's ramblings so bare with me...
I've had a stress migraine all week - it's made me a little more cranky and short tempered than normal - the weather is back and forth and calling for second round of crappy cold snow/ice mix. just joyful when you have livestock. But deep down. I love it. Checking the cattle over at the farm & milking calves - and lunging horses in the barn that's got non-pony items in it. Making it work. Pouring my tears out - letting go of pent up tension... this is the life I've dreamed of. But yet - there's missing links. Chunks missing... knowing what that is - caused some serious self reflecting through the night. I bowed my head - and prayed for the right path & answers. To voice my walk in life with sharing it here. Letting you learn right beside me - through my eyes.. being a farmers wife & partner -- raising Free Range Children & Chickens --
Not every post I'll write is depressing and blues - I promise -- but I can promise you this.. what you read and see - it's all from the heart. That's what God has lead me too. Opening myself up and growing inside my own faith again - showing the world that Farmers aren't out there trying to "make" anyone sick - Goodness grief.. We take better care of our livestock than we do our own selves. I know mine are fed and taken care of before I ever get myself breakfast 98% of the time.
Learning to Love the Season you are going through is HARD. It may be one that isn't so great - and seems like something is going wrong and breaking every single day - Nothing seems to be what you want or should be dealing with... I get it. Believe me... the Season's we are in right now are tough. The world is in a very tough and shaken up place - and we're allowing it. We have to Join forces - Pray for our country regardless of how you feel about who's President or not. Once again.. I'm going completely off topic. But that's beside the point...
Facebook memories from 2017 reminded me that I had posted this verse -
"Always be Joyful - never stop Praying - be thankful in all circumstances". - 1 Thessalonians 5:6
The same day only 2012 - I had posted "Keep on Dreaming, even if it breaks your heart" ... and then a year later -- I posted "wishing for a work from home job was an option." I've posted about it before (probably on the old blog site & need to just move all those over here. maybe with the upcoming weather advisory I can maybe manage that in between the mounds of laundry to deal with. We sat in our preachers house at Thursday Groups - and I was asked what I'd been praying for and working towards... being able to be Jason's right hand & work the farm side by side him. I believe that was 2016... and now .. we're going into our second year with me not working full time but living my dreams. Has it been easy --- Absolutely not. But in the end its worth it. Because this is MY dreams coming true. Being in the tractors -- feeding cattle daily - getting to ride when I can - raising our kids the same way my parents raised us girls - on salt blocks and disked fields. Choosing to find Joy in the simplest things - Finding Happiness again through all the muck - Learning when to swap those muck boots out for something a little lighter when tough times try to suck you in the muddy slop.
Dreams won't come true sitting on your couch taking a nap every day. You can day dream all you like but until you start to take action you'll find yourself in the same wishful boat - stuck in the same ol' ruts - a mental ditch per say. 2020 is bringing some big changes around the farm - more calves - different practices - Jason & I solely doing the Hay this summer (Lord Help us!). Things I've learned from the last ten years are changing how I go about my day.
Learning to Love the Season I'm in - Making this life worth living and loving it. Sharing my stories here - letting y'all take a glimpse of the Farm Life to opening my voice up on the PodCasts. The kids are out of school today due to the upcoming weather so I've just soaked up the quiet before the crazy begins. Slipping down to the barn to chore & prepare for the day. I pray I touch someone along this path - thanks for stopping in for this mornings ramblings with the #HayGirl