Chronicles of a Farmers Wife… When Enough. Is. Enough.

Being enough? Hard to do. Hard to accomplish. Are you fast enough – good enough in high school. Good enough grades to get scholarships – have enough money for that dream college and degrees. Feeling lacking at 18? Try it at 28. As a spouse – a parent – at work. It doesn’t get easier. So when is Enough.. ENOUGH?

Hard to define. Depends the person you are. I used to be a perfectionist. Everything had to be right and go in a perfect place or go according to the plan I set forth or I’d break down and have horrible anxiety about letting someone down because I FAILED. funny thing is as I grow older I’ve stopped caring about some of things I can’t control but yet I still struggle with not being enough.

6 years ago I was a single parent working 2 jobs and trying to finish my degree. I met farmer and things sort of changed within a few short months. Sometimes life happens and you get busy and things seem to just “fall into place”. I was helping bale this last week on top of my regular job too. I had a day and half off with the holiday and we used that to our advantage for me to be in the fields helping catch up and then again this past weekend.

It got me thinking when I was told “You are doing too much. You have to quit something.” And in Away I suppose I have. I quit being and trying to be everyone’s “perfect” – that an well the maid had to be let go (aka. My summer house cleaning skills are for the birds but I’m trying to do better). I was thinking yesterday on the tractor that how I could if I work 2 jobs while Keaton was barely one? How I could I still find time to study and do classes but I can’t find time to vacuum and dust? Is it because I’m not making time ? Probably. But it’s summer and I want to soak up being outside til 9pm with the kids. They don’t want to be trapped inside anymore than I do. Am I being a good enough mom? Am I teaching them to neglect things?

Besides working my full time job at Jones I’m almost pulling the same amount of hours helping Jason right now. Along with being a part time horse trainer, a “fun” and loving mom, wife – and maybe a cook on good nights… the maid and Gardner had to be let go. In my mind I’ve hit my mind “I’ve hit enough“. Does that mean I’m missing out? Maybe. I missed some races I really wanted to attend the last several weeks. But I can’t do it all. Even when I really want to.

My goal for this week is to play with the kids, spend some time actually getting ahead on the housework in between work and horses. I can no longer let someone else dictate what is “enough” for me. I am enough. You are enough. But you also have to find your self worth. Others aren’t going to be there hand feeding that to you. It’s trial and error. It’s finding out what you can push your limits and boundaries too. Wether being enough is in your relationship, your job, your family or just being enough for yourself. YOU have to be the one that says when you’ve hit your breaking point. Stop & think. Make a list. If there’s more negativity on one side. Something has to change.

My little piece of advice for this Monday Morning (or I guess any day when you’re reading this …) BE STRONG – know when you’ve hit that point. It may take you years of putting yourself through it. Stay true to yourself. The only person who is allowed to make Judgement calls is God. Not the pains of butts here. Remember that. Don’t worry so much about pleasing others – there’s a quote by Anna Taylor that just really hits home.

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time & energy are precious. You get to choose how YOU use it. Teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” – Anna Taylor

Don’t let someone steal your happiness by telling you – you aren’t enough. It’s not worth that. Let God be the one who deals with that. Pray. Forgive. Seek HIS guidance and go on. Open your heart to the Lords “enough”. Be enough for him. And yourself. Everything and those precious to you. Will see you for your worth.

+ You are WORTH more than many sparrows. -Matthew 10:31

+ But even if you should suffer for what is right you shall be blessed – 1 Peter 3:14

+ if you don’t stand firm in your faith; you won’t stand at all. – Isaiah 7:9

+ Turn my eyes from worthless things & give me life in your way. – Psalm 119:37

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