So before you read this. Be cautious – 1). If you aren’t into seeing strong arms and muscles of a woman. Namely me. Don’t continue on. 2) if you are easily offended. Stop reading. I don’t need more negativity nannies than I have already in my head. 3) this is a post on my own reflections of self love – revolving around the fitness world.. 4) if you do decide to continue reading. Thank you. Because that means you’re open minded & regardless you probably have already seen some of these rambling thoughts anyway. This was taken from my cardio thoughts today as I was thinking back to where I was last year during my prep for the Liberty show in April…
“New year new mind set” … funny thing is last spring I was in the same gym training 5x week. Eating the same things each day because I knew exactly how many macros those meals measure out too aka Restricted prep diet…. trying so damn hard to hit my PERSONAL goal of competing in a hot sparking bikini and high heels I easily could trip over… I have come to realize that I am so much more.
These photos aren’t edited in some fancy app. They’re raw. The same I sent on my Snapchat feed earlier today. No filter. Just ME. Me loving my strong muscles. Me loving my own darn self for once. And finding that balance took 12 months of not consistent time in the gym. Eating ice cream daily. Struggling with self love & esteem. I let outside people in. I let them play the damn mind game that some how their own thoughts meant more than my own. I’ve found the woman my husband loves. His curvy cowgirl girl.
I got arms and back of a champion. I can throw his hay bales and help with fixing equipment – JUST like him. I control 1200 pounds of horse on their back and on the ground with this body of mine. I had two babies 5 years part – I am so much more than a red bikini on a center stage — I’ve come so far from the 18 year old that hated her image in a mirror so much that she refused to look into them.
There is so much more to understanding ones journey in life and knowing the path you are on. My path right now is me pushing out of my comfort zone of letting people in and seeing my mind and life. I am more of the shadows person. Social media today is all about the right lighting and filters upon filters that you never see the real person anymore. And thats hard. Last year I was hurt numerous times by social media posts that I felt proud of. The hard work I was putting in. And people chose to be “mean”. Bullying is so prominent in today’s society. Why can’t people just keep their thoughts in their own heads? Is it worth it to be rude and crude? It’s okay to see boobs and butts of celebrities but heaven for bid someone see strong muscles of a local girl?
Working out for me now is all about anger management & releasing bottled up stress. I workout because I love how it makes me feel. I don’t need to be a certain number on that scale. And honestly I couldn’t even tell you what I do weigh. I know I love to splurge and eat ice cream at work sometimes. I know that I also still crave a more strict diet because it makes me feel in control & not like I’m spiraling.
Women today and especially young girls NEED to be reminded they are beautiful. You don’t need to look like you’re 21 at 15. I honestly don’t know how the moms in today’s world don’t want to slap someone. Girls 14 should not be wearing shorts so short their hinnies show. They shouldn’t be spending an hour on make up. What happened to being a Tom boy? What happened to being that “awkward” stage in jr high? I look back at pictures from HS & think good gracious – like it’s looking at my parents pictures in the 80s type thing. Self love is so important. And often the first neglected thing mother’s do. We want to always put everyone first. But in higher sight. How can you take care of everyone else if you can’t first take care of yourself? Do I feed my kids fast food. Yep. Sure do. But guess what. They also play outside when the suns shining. Balance. Life is all about BALANCE… find it. Embrace it. Love it and for Pete sakes share it!!! .
No longer will I let people knock me down. Don’t like me. Delete me. But don’t you trash talk me until you’ve walked in my shoes …
-April 2017 – Liberty Show
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