When being “Perfect” is never enough & you are constantly striving for it - there sits a bitter nasty taste. It’s not saying “I’m jealous of them - or complaining about their success”. This is deeper. This is the inner battle you - and only YOU do to yourself....
I’m not perfect. Majority of the time I’m second guessing myself on numerous things. It made me stop and think about a lot. Being a human being is always about the Devil attacking us. We are not Gods. I am far from being even “Godly”. I am not the Christian I pray to be (at least not right now). But each day I try to do better. I pray - I am reading His word. I’m surrounding myself with like minded people. And in this growing season, I’m learning to try and forgive my own faults & start to love myself for who i am. broken or not.
Gods not asking us to be perfect. He’s asking us to be Faithful. And I suck half the time at that too. I miss church way too often - but it’s deeper than that. It’s the cuss words thrown out during the day - it’s the bickering with the kids - it’s the nagging with the husband. It’s all these other things besides just missing worship.
I truly believe that people come into our lives for a reason. Even if that reason hurts. But it’s a wake up call. One I needed to the very core. And for that. Words will never go beyond what that person is doing inside my heart. I write because if I keep it bottled up. My mind runs away from me. Causing issues. Even when I desperately try to fight it off.
I’m not where I want to be. But with time. It will come. And I was firmly reminded of it this morning. For someone who’s always been torn down - I was bullied in school - I let myself get in a few toxic relationships- I still let what others say hit harder than they should. But today. TODAY. I was reminded. I am worth it. I can work just as hard as anyone else. And still succeed. I can have MY dreams. And no. I may not be there yet. But it can happen.
It’s those moments. In the middle of a store. I am thankful the most. Because it was a simple few words. That - they’ll never know how much struck me. Didn’t have to be said. Didn’t have to be encouraged. But for that. Today. And each day forward. I’m working being a little more perfect for my family, not for everyone else.