6 months into 2020....

What 2020 has taught me over the past six months. Patience. Kindness. Peace. Forgiveness. Prayer.

All those things that lead from hate, poor self esteem, disappointments, bitterness, regret, ashamed of the woman I’d let myself become.

Mistakes and learning to love myself along the way. What I’ve learned is that I cannot brood over those past mistakes and failures as this will only fill my mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future. Learn. Pray. Read. Admit your failure. And grow.

It hurts. I hurt others. I hurt myself. And in that process I became so lost I didn’t even recognize the woman in the mirror.

But with time. Healing. I found the sun. And the smile again. I am far from perfect. But each day. I am one day better than I was a year ago. A slow and steady process. Learning to fix the problem not just cover it with a towel.

Depression - Anxiety- Stress ... it will eat you alive until you barely see the “real” you. It’ll put you into a space that you’d never walk into if you could outshine the darkness.

Mental Health has always been a struggle for me. From Jr High throughout High School. Not fitting in and never being part of the “cool kids”... stemmed to college and even as I became a mother. That black cloud hangs at a very close distance. Each day something I have to battle to find the good. To raise up our kids. To be a better wife & mother. I learnt the hard way. To how close that mental state could end everything that meant so much to me. That “slap to the face” moment was what I needed. When I needed it. And each day. I remind myself to mentally slap that darkness back down. To hang a sun ☀️ even on the cloudiest days. To find Joy and Good was in the simplest things.

I am blessed. I am thankful. I am learning to relive myself in this “Covid19” crisis. The reality is. You can either let The Devil win and take you with him - or. Find your Bible. Hit your knees and learn to Find Gods reasoning behind every struggle and mountain you’ve ever had climbed.

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